Utterly Brilliant Thoughts
8.26.2007
Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Thank God for Melissa, the only reason this is a (semi-) active blog. I truly have the best of intentions when it comes to updating. I've written whole posts in my head & even have scribbled a few on actual paper. But I want to avoid writing about anything work-related, mostly because I don't want to worry about getting dooced. Also because it is virtually impossible to describe my work environment without it sounding like a poorly-written sitcom. Unfortunately, since I spend roughly 75% of my waking hours in work-related endeavors, that's really all I have to talk about. Unless you want to discuss my Sephora addiction, my quest for The Perfect Haircut or the fact that I finally, finally! found a local Target with a Starbucks in-house. No? None of those? Are you sure? Because, trust me, I am fully able & willing to discuss any of those topics for hours at a time. Ah, well, if you change your mind . . . in the meantime . . .


One Word Sarcomical Sunday #12


  • Hoping For: motivation
  • Just Finished: newspaper
  • Jonesing For: torte
  • Most Annoying Brady Bunch Kid: one?
  • Word to Describe Your Personal Sense of Style: classic
  • Last Snack: cheese
  • Have Never, Ever Tried: skydiving
  • Last Clumsy Injury: recent
  • Your Environment: messy
  • Daily Object You'd Like to Throw Into Oncoming Traffic: alarm
  • Favorite Kind of Soup: bisque
  • Holiday You Don't Typically Celebrate: Halloween
  • Happy To Have: health
  • Want To Start: routine
  • Need To Start: exercising
  • Last Thing You Purchased: perfume
  • Color of Your Car Interior: blue
  • Color of the Wall in the Room You're In: white
  • Days Since Your Last Night Out: four
  • Number of Rings On Your Fingers: three
  • How Many Minutes It Takes To Do Your Hair: infinite
  • Favorite Outdoor Smell: ocean
  • Number of Clocks in Your Home (not on appliances): eight
  • Where You Put Spare Change: bottle

See you next Sunday!

Labels:



8.13.2007
It's Still Sunday on the West Coast

And keeping with this week's meme theme . . .

One Word Sarcomical Sunday #11

  • Your Body Feels: tired
  • Your Mind Feels: fuzzy
  • The Last Thing You Ate: cherry
  • Something On Your Desk/Workspace: mess
  • On Your Chest: silk
  • On Your Legs: nothing
  • On Your Feet: pink
  • Favorite Instrument to Hear: guitar
  • Your Last Kiss Happened Here: kitchen
  • Something You Wish You'd Invented: plastic
  • Something You Wish Had Never Been Invented: golf
  • Favorite Place For a Quiet Afternoon: library
  • Right Now You Should Be: sleeping
  • You Hate When People: preach
  • You Love When People: understand
  • When In Doubt, Order the: pasta
  • Band You're Currently Into: Mars
  • How Many Movies You've Gone to See So Far This Month: none
  • Your Favorite Big Brother 8 Houseguest: what???
  • Your Least Favorite Big Brother 8 Houseguest: none
  • Your Maternal Grandmother's Name: Mena
  • Your First Childhood Pet's Name: Madison
  • The Number of People in Your Family With Red Hair: two
  • What You're Thinking about Doing After This: laundry
  • What You Really WISH You Were Doing After This: sleep

Labels:



8.10.2007
The Interview - Part Three

Hi! How are you? How has your summer been? Doing lots of fun stuff, are you? Me? Oh, well, lots of excitement 'round here. What with the, um, work, and, you know, more work, and also spending another 3 hours dealing with the asshats at Verizon* over the past month. Since I am going to assume that you have heard enough about
Verizon to last a lifetime, & I will further assume that no one wants to hear me whine about my job, I begged the lovely & tremendously amusing Melissa to interview me. (Yes, I know I jumped on this bandwagon before. My life is bereft of blog fodder just now, or at the very least I am too frazzled to form coherent sentences into actual paragraphs, so it's this or nothing, people!)

If money were no object, what would be your dream job and why?
In answering this question, I briefly considered many options. None of them were quite right. Which is when I realized that what I would truly love to do every day is lie on a warm beach (extra points if I can tan with no risk of cancer or skin damage), hang out with my family & friends, shop, sleep as late as I'd like & have someone else do my hair. What job is that? Heiress, perhaps? Hm. If that didn't work out, I think I might quite like to be a photographer. I love capturing a moment forever.

Where would you like to see yourself in five years life-wise?
I hope my marriage will be even stronger & happier than it is now. I would like to have children by then, biological or adopted or both. I also hope to be financially secure & have found my niche professionally with a company that I respect & enjoy working for.

What do you enjoy doing in your spare time, and why?
Spare time, you say? As in, extra time to do with as you wish? This is something that actually exists? Imagine that. I love reading & will read virtually anything. I just finished Happy Birthday or Whatever & The Last Boleyn Girl, which took me over a month to read in 15-minute increments on the subway. I am hoping for a birthday subscription to People, which could conceivably be read cover-to-cover on one trip. Baking. Watching old movies, which are infinitely better than the vast majority of new movies. Discovering new places (cities, shops, restaurants). Going to the zoo, any zoo, or really almost anywhere at all, I just like going somewhere. Am I exciting or what?

Similarly, what are a few things you'd rather get a root canal than do?
Ride a roller coaster. Go swimming. Go camping. Watch golf / basketball / bowling / professional wrestling on television. Paint. (Two rooms in the house haven't been repainted yet & I am dreading it.)

What would you say your most valuable life lesson has been?
To listen to myself. The biggest mistakes I have made in life have been because I ignored my inner voice. Also to forgive myself when I do make a mistake, although this is a lesson I still struggle with.

If you want to jump (back) on the bandwagon with me, let me know in the comments. It may take me a few days (weeks) (months?) to get back to you (see: exciting, rock-star-like lifestyle), but I'm sure the fascinating questions that I come up with will more than make up for the wait. Of course, that's assuming that anyone is still reading. Hello? Anyone?

* For those of you who know me IRL, I have finally dumped Verizon & have a shiny new boyfriend. (I love you, Comcast! Smooches!) Check your email for my new phone number. Not that I will ever be home to answer the phone, but you know. I'll probably call you back some day.

Labels: ,



6.08.2007
Brilliant May Be Overstating It A Bit

I really rock this whole blog thing, don't I? I would like to blame my craptastic new job for my lack of writing, but since I only posted three times in May, when I was still conspicuously employment-free . . . well, let's just admit that I have been particularly unmotivated lately & move on, shall we? Lots of interesting things have happened recently, or at least some semi-interesting things, or maybe just things in general. Regardless, my brain is feeling like Swiss cheese right now, and you know what that means. Bring on the meme!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I had just become an aunt for the first time. (So! Excited! And she is even more brilliant & beautiful than I could have imagined. Which is amazing, since I thought she was pretty much perfect from the beginning.) Soon after Nessa was born, I flew to Atlanta to visit Mary. My ears wouldn't pop & for some reason, I thought margaritas might help. (Reasonable, I think.) So by the time we landed, I was looped, couldn't hear & was therefore yelling everything. I can only imagine how much fun that was for those around me. Hey, Mary, maybe that's why Jim didn't like me?

What were you doing one year ago?
Hoping & praying for my house to sell. Hating my job. Making plans for the Dave Matthews concert & our trip to Canada.

Five snacks you enjoy.
Just five??
1. Snyder's cheese popcorn
2. Krispy Kreme
3. Pepperidge Farm cheddar goldfish
4. dark chocolate
5. chips or crackers with dip (crab, shrimp, 7-layer taco, Heluva good french onion . . . pretty much any kind of dip or spread, extra points if there's cheese involved)

Five songs you know all the lyrics to.
I can barely remember my phone number, but I am a whiz when it comes to song lyrics & will remember them after hearing them just two or three times. The last five songs I listened to were:
1. Back to Black, Amy Winehouse
2. The Sweetest Thing, U2
3. Wild Horses, The Rolling Stones
4. I've Been Loving You Too Long, Otis Redding
5. Makes Me Wonder, Maroon 5

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire.
Let's assume this means multi-millionaire / billionaire, m'kay? Lots more fun to ponder.
1. buy a Kennedy-esque compound on the beach for the whole family - or at least the ones that I don't have the urge to smack on a semi-regular basis
2. adopt lots & lots of kids, à la Angelina Jolie
3. donate vast sums to charity
4. travel
5. invest, so I could continue all of the above

Five bad habits.
1. eating too much fat & sugar
2. not returning phone calls
3. procrastinating
4. worrying
5. baking in the sun (I don't do this anymore BUT I REALLY, REALLY WANT TO)

Five things you like doing.
1. going to the beach (or anywhere, really - I just like to go somewhere)
2. planning stuff & making lists
3. shopping
4. reading
5. sleeping
(In case I haven't mentioned it before, I am a ROCK STAR. The excitement never stops 'round here.)

Five things you would never wear again.
1. my wedding dress - only because, strangely enough, I can't seem to find the appropriate occasion
2. miniskirt
3. padded bra (good Lord, why?)
4. scrunchies
5. leggings

Five Favorite Toys.
I'm not much into toys, but I really, really want a laptop & would like to upgrade the digital camera. And, um, sometimes, when I'm putting the toys away after my nieces leave, I may have been known to brush Barbie's hair. And perhaps change her clothes. And shoes. I may also have bought the nieces & nephews certain toys that I really wanted for myself. (Lite Brite!) But that's normal, right? Hello? Anyone?

If you decide to jump on the bandwagon with me, leave a comment so I can check out your answers!

Labels: ,



4.18.2007
Interview Redux
Remember those 655 boxes awaiting unpacking on my third floor? (Of course I'm being facetious. It's probably only 155.) They're still waiting. I was actually all ready to tackle it today, but I'm expecting the plumber sometime between now & the twelfth of never & there's no way I would hear him (or her - let's not make sexist assumptions here) while I'm up there. So . . . here I am. Waiting. Have I mentioned that I am pretty much the Least Patient Person of All Time? Truly. I could be waiting to get my gums scraped and I'd still be anxious to get started. Fortunately, the hysterically funny Metalia (this post never fails to crack me up, no matter how many times I read it) offered up another five questions, which gives me something to do other than stare out the window and wonder if the plumber will be satisfied with all of the money I have in the world or if I will have to sell a kidney and promise my firstborn child as well.

What is your favorite book of all time AND what is the absolute worst book you've ever read?
This is such a difficult question to answer since I read constantly. Among my favorites (the ones I love and have reread countless times) are Gone With the Wind, The Sun Also Rises, The Great Gatsby, To Kill a Mockingbird & A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I also like almost anything by James Lee Burke, Augusten Burroughs, Jodi Picoult & Anna Quindlen. As for the worst . . . I don't know if it's the absolute worst, but I really, really wanted to like Wicked and I really, really didn't. That's the only book in recent memory that I didn't finish once I started it.

What's your most irrational fear?
When I am driving, I am fine as long as no one else is on the road (which, you know, doesn't happen very often), but as soon as a car is coming towards me or driving alongside me, I am absolutely certain it is going to hit me. This is only the case when I am driving. Which is why I don't. I also believe that those big crunchy spiders (you know which ones I mean) have the ability to catapult themselves across the room and land on my head.

If you were invisible for one day, who would you spy on?
Oh, the Shrub, definitely. I would love to know if he is (Heaven help us) as clueless as he appears. And if Laura ever turns to him and says, "Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?"

What was the first CD you ever bought?
Hmmmm. Thinking back over my music collection (because God forbid I ever throw any of it away), it was probably Counting Crows' August & Everything After or the soundtrack from Boomerang. I am just that edgy and hip.

Okay, so you're the queen of Bourbon Slush, but if you have to do a shot, what's your alcohol of choice?
Tequila, definitely. And, yes, I require the accessories. (Metalia, I know you like tequila - are you a lemon-and-salt girl too?)

Edited to add: Good news! The plumbers showed up at 1:30 and did not require the GNP of Bulgaria to fix the whirlpool. The bad news is, that's because it is apparently not a plumbing problem, but an electrical one. I am fairly certain that, if I ever actually find an electrician (are there NO electricians in this city that can work on whirlpool pumps? really?), it will be something else entirely. At least now I have the whole afternoon to devote to the third floor. Yippee.

Labels:



4.16.2007
Five Questions: The Interview

Speaking of clever & lovely, have I told you about Whoorl, lipgloss connoisseur & mother to what is clearly one of the most scrumptious babies in blogdom? She also has ridiculously shiny hair & lives by the beach. (Bitch.) But she's so entertaining, you will like her anyway. And she was nice enough to interview me, saving me from tackling the horrific chaos known as my third floor. For that (and this), I will love her forever.

What is your favorite state fair-type food?

Fries, gyro, caramel or candy apple, Italian ice, homemade ice cream, elephant ear, funnel cake, lemon shake, orange shake, virtually anything fried or on a stick. If it's fried and on a stick? Look out. Oh, wait. Did you mean just one thing?

What is the last thing you do before getting into bed at night?
Turn off the light. More accurately - forget to turn off the light, sigh, grumble, try to get my husband to get up & turn off the light, disregard his argument that I was the last person in bed and also the light switch is on my side of the room, grumble some more, get out of bed, walk two steps, turn off the light & get back in bed, still grumbling.

Window or aisle seat?
Aisle. I like to be able to make a quick getaway.

How many states/countries have you lived in? What was your favorite?
Just two states, Pennsylvania & Ohio. I definitely prefer Pennsylvania.

What kind of cheese do you like on your burger, if any?
Mmmmm, cheese. I had a burger yesterday with bourbon sauce & gorgonzola cheese & it was to die for. I like almost any kind of cheese, except Swiss. Unless it's Jarlsberg & then only in this fabulous dip that I can, quite literally, eat an entire bowl of, all by myself. Which gives me an idea for lunch . . .

Want to play? Here's how it works:

  • Leave me a comment requesting an interview.
  • I will email you five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you ask nicely & shower me with compliments, they may even make sense. Maybe. (Don't bet on it.)
  • You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
  • You will include this explanation (or a reasonable variation) and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
  • When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Come on, it will be fun! And I won't have to deal with the third floor for at least another few hours.

Edited to add: check out Mary, Kimmy, Nicole & Teacher Lady for their amusing answers to my less-than-inspired questions. And also Mrs. T, who expanded the meme by tagging herself to answer Metalia's questions.

Labels:



Sunday-ish

Thank God for the clever & lovely Melissa, who saved me from coherent thought once again.

One Word Sarcomical Sunday #8

  • Your Shirt: wrinkled
  • To Your Right: windows
  • To Your Left: mirror
  • The Most Recently-Placed Object On Your Desk: phone
  • You Detest: intolerance
  • Have Been Thinking About: work
  • Would Like To Buy: laptop
  • Will Never Buy: gun
  • Your Upcoming Week's Biggest Negative: cleaning
  • Your Upcoming Week's Greatest Plus: weekend
  • Part Of Your Last Meal: asiago
  • Something You Won't Tolerate: lying
  • Something You Can't Turn Down: pastry
  • Your Mind: busy
  • Your Preferred Flavor of Toothpaste: mint
  • The Location of Your First Kiss: forgettable
  • Your Favorite Part of a Picnic: sunshine
  • A Favorite Type of Tree: magnolia
  • The Last Thing You Completed: book
  • You'd Love To Be Invisible For One Day In a Room With: Dubya

Labels:



4.11.2007
The Infamous Music Meme

I've been tagged by Kimmy & Teacher Lady for this meme: List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what they are. They must be songs you are presently enjoying. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to.

Oh, this is bad. I rarely listen to the radio & truly have no idea what is hot right now. I've
already told you that I have no idea who half the people in Rolling Stone are. The last CD I bought was . . . hmm, I actually have no idea. The last CD that was bought for me was Justin Timberlake's FutureSex / LoveSounds & I have to admit that I am strangely addicted to it. (Although, seriously, JT, it is time to get over that whole infidelity thing. Lord.) Okay, I am probably going to embarrass myself terribly, but here are the last seven songs I listened to on Napster & that are in pretty much constant rotation lately:

  • Bill Withers, "Ain't No Sunshine"
  • Janis Joplin, "Cry Baby"
  • Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"
  • Augustana, "Boston"
  • Damien Rice, "The Blower's Daughter"
  • Mary J. Blige, "Be Without You"
  • Nelly Furtado, "Say It Right"

And of course, I always, always, always loooooooooove Dave Matthews. (Tickets are going on sale on the 21st, who's coming to the concert with me??) I'm not tagging anyone because I think there are only about six people left in the blogosphere who haven't already participated in this meme. If you are one of those six & want to jump on the bandwagon with me, leave me a note in the comments so I can check out your list. God knows I could use some new music recommendations!

Labels: ,



3.26.2007
Taking Today Off

I've made the executive decision to take the rest of the day off. Since today is my first official day of unemployment, this basically means that I am boycotting the whole unpacking / organizing / cleaning thing. Damn it, I have been awake since 3 o'clock this morning with tooth (or, more accurately, lack-of-tooth) pain & I should get some kind of compensation, shouldn't I? However, it has been several months since I have had any time to sit around like third base and I'm not really sure what to do. Oh, I know!

One Word Sarcomical Sunday #7
(Someday I'll actually do this on a Sunday.)

  • Your Weekend: busy
  • Smelling: shampoo
  • Annoyed By: everything
  • Your Face: clean
  • Your Pants: comfy
  • Something You Want To Create: order
  • A Favorite Old Movie Star: Grace
  • Not Looking Forward To: employment
  • Hearing: meow
  • You Wish You Could: sing
  • Last Thing You Cooked: chicken
  • Your Breakfast: none
  • Your Driving Record: nonexistent
  • Last Illness: bronchial
  • Want To Be: relaxed
  • Mind Keeps Wandering To: responsibilities
  • You Despise: ignorance
  • Unprepared For: anything
  • Favorite Part Of Spring: warmth
  • Your Toenails: red
  • Proud Of Your: marriage
  • Not Proud Of Your: fear
  • How You Decompress: reading
  • Your Kitchen Table: antique
  • Something You Want to Accomplish Today: repair

Oh hell. I just remembered that I still have to complete our taxes. So much for relaxing. Now which box do you think the tax file could be in?

Labels: ,



3.13.2007
Four Days Left!

I'm training my replacement at the office this week. Fortunately, she's not a complete idiot (a ringing endorsement, no?), but the process is very difficult for me. I am more of a "just get out of my way & let me do it, God, why do I have to keep explaining things to you?" kind of person. Plus this whole training thing has taken up all the free time I have at work, which makes it nearly impossible to blog. Not that I would ever blog at work. Of course. But if I did, I would have time to tell you all about my mom getting lost in Pittsburgh for two hours, in spite of various sailors and construction workers attempting to send her in the right direction. And then she spent another two hours cleaning my louver doors with a Q-tip. And she's still speaking to me. My mom rocks. But since I should be packing, I will have to content myself with this:

One-Word Sarcomical Sunday # 6
(Only One Day Late!)

  • Your Mood: frenzied
  • What You're Craving: chocolate
  • Your Favorite Day of the Week: Friday
  • Your Mind: shredded
  • Something that Cheers You Up: Chris
  • Something that Depresses You: loss
  • Where Your Keys Rest at Night: somewhere
  • A TV Gameshow You Secretly Get Into: none
  • The Way You Like Your Eggs: omelette
  • Your Hair: curly
  • The Last Thing You Ordered Online: curtains
  • The Messiest Room In Your Home Right Now: all
  • Your Least Favorite Month: January
  • The Worst Fashion Fad You Participated In: blond
  • How Many Times In the Night You Get Up To Pee (on average): one
  • Your Journey: meandering
  • A Sound that Makes You Happy: purring
  • Your First Date: amazing
  • Something You Wish You Did More Often: exercise
  • Something You Admire: fearlessness
  • The First Place You Go When You Get Home: mail
  • What You're Going to Do Now: pack

Labels: , ,



3.09.2007
Of All the Things I've Lost

I miss my mind the most.

I just wandered around my house for, literally, ten minutes, tossing things aside & tearing through boxes, until I finally just stopped in the middle of the upstairs hallway & said - out loud, even though no one else was there, not even the cats - "For the love of God, where in the hell did I pack the . . . ponytail . . . holder . . . thingies . . .". Because not only could I not find a ponytail holder thing, I couldn't even think of what they are actually called. Elastics? Hairbands? Whatever. Either I am in the beginning stages of early-onset Alzheimer's, or I have so much crap going on, I can't even string two coherent words together.* Which is a perfect segue into . . .



One Word Sarcomical Sunday #5
(Only Five Days Late)

  • Your Current Footwear: pink
  • Something You're Doing Later: packing
  • Something You Wish You Could Do Right Now: unpack
  • Your Age At the Time Of Your First Kiss: ?
  • Your Feelings About Global Warming: worried
  • A Sport You Wish Would Never Be Shown On Television: fishing
  • Something On Your Desk that Shouldn't Be: piles
  • A Word To Describe The Current State of Your Sex Life: hopeful
  • How the Sky Looks Right Now: dark
  • Which of Snow White's 7 Dwarfs You'd Be: Grumpy
  • Your Preferred Birthday Cake: pie
  • A Magazine You Subscribe To: none
  • Number of Piercings You Have: two
  • Your Favorite Delivery/Takeout Item: Chinese
  • A Game You Hate to Play: cards
  • The Name of Your First Real-Life Crush: John
  • The Hand You Write With: right
  • The Hand You Wear Watches On: left
  • Your Clothes Closet: trashed
  • The Side of the Bed You Sleep On (from the on-the-bed perspective): left
  • A Flavor You Love: cheesy
  • Your Car: beast
  • The Last Thing You Misplaced: mind
  • Your High School Mascot: Spartan
  • Your Wasted Talent: talent?

* Did I tell you that I cut off all of my hair? Because I did. Chopped it all off way back in January, the same day that I got a call from Jack, telling me "Hey, remember how you thought your house was going to sell? Yeah, not so much." So now it's at about chin length. Which is not exactly long enough for even the most pathetic ponytail. Which did not stop me from searching for a holder (elastic? band?) for ten minutes. Perhaps my mind has been packed already & I will discover it after we move.

Labels: , ,



2.15.2007
Where Did I Pack the Wine?

Remember how I discussed my boss? About how he's a sexual harassment case waiting to happen? And how my work environment is toxic? And how I can't wait to quit? Well, I didn't think it was possible, but it has gotten markedly worse during the past week. I don't want to delve into the details, because that would require that I relive the whole mind-numbing, soul-crushing mess. I also don't want to talk about how my house isn't officially sold yet, or about the obscene amount of money we spent on paint this week, or about why I packed all of the liquor and books and anything else of any vague importance already, and yet my bathing suits, formalwear & evening bags are all readily accessible. (Perhaps I am hoping to be surprised with a cruise?) And finally, I am not going to discuss the mountains of snow that fell on us within the past few days, or the negative-twenty-degrees-without-the-wind-chill temperatures, which appeared just in time for us to attempt to move. But I will share the worst part of the past week: I haven't had the time to read any blogs.

I KNOW! Horrible, right? But at least that explains why I am four days behind on One-Word Sarcomical Sunday #4. (One word answers only!)

  • Feeling: Shredded
  • Thinking About: Moving
  • Your Family History: Complicated
  • The Last Person You Had "Words" With: Boss
  • Want To Fly Away To: Beach
  • Hate the Sight Of: Office
  • The Sport Whose Players Turn You On: Hockey
  • Favorite Color Ink: Black
  • American Idol Judge Who Irritates You Most: Randy
  • Place You Thought Monsters Hid When You Were Little: Basement
  • Favorite Spice or Herb: Basil
  • What You Like for Breakfast: Bacon
  • Your Living Room Couch: Beckoning
  • Most Recent Purchase: Paint
  • Hours You Typically Sleep On Weeknights: Sevenish
  • Something You Dislike: Ignorance
  • A Favorite Color: Green
  • Your Snack When Willpower Is Nonexistent: Doughnuts
  • Your Bedsheets: Striped
  • The Part of Your Face You Scrunch Most Often: Nose
  • The Last Thing You Thought Was Funny: Cheesoning
  • What You're Going To Do Now: Sleep

Good night!

Labels: ,



2.13.2007
Stupid Mercury
Since I last posted, lots of things have happened, some which pertained to the sale & purchase of various homes, none of which I'm inclined to write about (you should thank me), but all of which have made me think that Teacher Lady knew what she was talking about. A quote she sent me from an astrology website reads:

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

Yes! YES! Finally! An explanation! Well, okay, maybe that doesn't explain everything that's been going on around here lately. But I would prefer to think that Mercury is the issue rather than question whether God is punishing me for something heinous I did in a past life. Or maybe this is my punishment for stealing Brynna's Strawberry Shortcake doll in the first grade. But I returned it! And apologized!

Anywho, the short version of This Weekend in Real Estate is: lots of things happened and yet very little progress was made. But! There appears to be light at the end of the tunnel! Again! This is the longest tunnel in the world. (Actually, the longest tunnel is Laerdal Tunnel in Norway, and yes, I did have to look it up. It's a sickness, I can't help it. I am a slave to trivial knowledge.)

While we're (vaguely) on the subject, I have been group-tagged by Amalah & Miss Zoot for the
Most Popular Meme of the Year. So here it is, Six Weird Things About Me:

  • I have to match. Have to. My underwear has to match, both each other & what I'm wearing, even if I'm just wearing pajamas. And my socks & / or slippers have to match my pjs too. Always.
  • I once translated a New Kids on the Block song into French. And then performed it, complete with choreographed dance moves, in front of 25 people. I should add that this was an assignment for my high school French class, it's not like this is my idea of a good time. Although I seem to recall that I was the one who picked the song. Give me a break, it was the 80s. I liked Milli Vanilli too. At least I never had a mullet.
  • When I was young, my eyes were blue & my hair was stick-straight. When I hit puberty, my eyes changed to green & my hair became curly.
  • I lived on a farm for a few years, starting when I was eight. My cousin Jason and I collected the eggs from the chickens, played in the horse barn & caught frogs for fun. This is only weird if you consider the fact that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a Fan of Nature (remember, this is where the dirt and bugs live). I'm not sure what possessed me during those two years. Come to think of it, our house was widely rumored to be haunted . . .
  • When I was 27, I developed a severe lactose allergy. The slightest bit of lactose (including the tiny amount found in medication) resulted in vomiting and, well, extreme gastrointestinal distress. Two years later, after I separated from my ex-husband, my symptoms suddenly became much less severe, and they have now all but disappeared.
  • Raw poultry makes me gag. Years ago, I attempted to make a turkey. This required the use of rubber gloves, several kitchen towels and innumerable utensils. Never again.

Your turn!

Labels: ,



1.26.2007
What About X?
Thank GOD! A meme! A blissful break from real estate hell! Thanks to Nicole for this one. Edited to add: what does it say about me that I noticed immediately that the "X" is missing & that I'm tremendously disturbed by this fact? That I need therapy? Well, that's not exactly a revelation, is it?

  • A - Available or married? Married. To Chris, the Best Husband in the World.
  • B - Best Friend? Chris, Mary, my mom.
  • C - Cake or Pie? Pie. Specifically apple, peach or pumpkin.
  • D - Drink of Choice? The three Ms: margaritas, mimosas & mojitos. Sans alcohol, I prefer tea (hot or iced) & water.
  • E - Essential Item? Manicures, mascara & lip gloss.
  • F - Favorite Color? I don't have one.
  • G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Neither would be my candy of choice.
  • H - Hometown? Suburban Ohio.
  • I - Indulgence? Coach, Tiffany, shoes, sleeping late.
  • J - January or February? Neither. I do not enjoy winter. (Understatement!)
  • K - Kids & names? None.
  • L - Life is incomplete without? Family & friends. And cats.
  • M - Marriage Date? October 22.
  • N - Number of Siblings? None.
  • O - Oranges or apples? Both, & virtually any other kind of fruit too.
  • P - Phobias/Fears? Driving.
  • Q - Favorite Quote? From A. P. Herbert: The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
  • R - Reason to Smile? I have so many!
  • S - Season? Spring.
  • T - Tag three people! Mary, Melissa, Teacher Lady. And I'll add an extra too - my new friend Kimmy.
  • U - Unknown fact about me: I've been watching the American Idol auditions for the past two weeks. And making Chris watch too. I am so ashamed. If this continues, I hope my friends stage an intervention.
  • V - Vegetable you hate? Lima beans, yuck!
  • W - Worst habit? Worrying.
  • Y - Your favorite food? Italian, Chinese, crabcakes, gelato, Belgian waffles & bacon, the truffles Mary sent to Chris (Oh. my. God. Luscious!), Krispy Kreme original glazed, pizza from Mario's, the Asagio cheese dip from Rock Bottom, lobster bisque from Oscar's, Primanti's cheesesteak . . . can you tell I haven't had anything to eat yet today?
  • Z - Zodiac? Virgo. But I'm not a perfectionist or anything.

Seriously, what happened to the X???

Edited (again) to add: Thank you, Nicole, for humoring me!

  • X - X-rays you've had? X-rated videos of you anywhere? Aside from dental, I don't remember having any x-rays taken. I did have an MRI once, so I have concrete proof that there is a brain inside my head & it seems to be functioning properly for the most part. As for the latter: No! And: Ew!

Labels:



1.12.2007
Feast #126
APPETIZER
What comes to mind when you see the color orange?
Pumpkins.

SOUP
Did you ever get in trouble while you were in school? If so, what was it for?
I adored my kindergarten teacher & wrote "I love Miss Brocolli" in permanent red marker all over the trash can. And then I lied when she asked me if I did it. Unfortunately, I was the only kid in class who could write cursive, so she knew it was me, & I got in trouble for lying. I must have been traumatized by the whole ordeal, because I was fairly well-behaved after that. Or, at least I learned not to get caught since I'm such a terrible liar!

SALAD
Which topping(s) make up your perfect pizza?
Cheese, mushrooms, bacon & sometimes black olives. My Favorite Pizza Ever is from a place called Mario's Woodfire Pizzeria in Pennsylvania. It's a white pizza with just olive oil, three different kinds of cheese & fresh basil & it is heavenly. I think I see a road trip in my future . . .

MAIN COURSE
Do you believe in UFOs/aliens/etc.? Why or why not?
Well, I am willing to consider the possibility that there may be life on other planets. However, I don't think that aliens are coming down to Earth, abducting frumpy housewives from North Dakota & having their way with them on a space ship.

DESSERT
What color is your bedspread/comforter/quilt?
Sage green.

Join the Feast!

Labels:



1.08.2007
Saved
Whew! Just when I thought I would have to come up with words that actually string together to make a coherent sentence, Melissa the Sarcomical came up with another one-word meme. And thus, intelligible blogging can be avoided for yet another day!

  • You Just Finished: coughing
  • The Weather Outside: flurries
  • Character On Your Childhood Lunchbox: Tink
  • Your Mood: tired
  • Britney Spears: trashy
  • Favorite Place In the House: bed
  • Proud To Be: empathetic
  • Favorite Condiment: rémoulade
  • Food Indulgence: truffles
  • Scent You Hate: gardenia
  • Most Recent Purchase: groceries
  • American Idol: incessant
  • Last Part of Your Body Injured: nail
  • Your Desk: organized
  • Favorite Kind of Juice: orange
  • Animal That Freaks You Out: rodent
  • People Irritate You When They: interrupt
  • Your First Kiss: forgettable
  • Your Last Meal: pizza
  • You'd Rather Be: moving
  • The Future: change
  • Hate To Look At: suffering
  • The Ocean: immense
  • Time Since You Got Up and Left The Computer: hours

Avoid your email, I will be tagging!

Labels: ,



1.05.2007
Feast #125
APPETIZER
Which celebrity (or celebrities) do you think will make headlines this year?
The Paris / Britney / Lindsay crowd, because they cannot seem to function
without constant attention.

SOUP
They say that good things come in small packages.
What is something little that you think is great?

That little robin's egg blue Tiffany box always makes me happy!

SALAD
Name a song that makes you want to dance.
Kanye West's Gold Digger & Justin Timberlake's SexyBack.

MAIN COURSE
What is your favorite font?
Chopinscript, copperplate gothic, dear joe four, hill house, mutlu ornamental, renaissance, scriptina, wendy medium . . . no way I could pick just one,
I am a font junkie!

DESSERT
If you were to write a do-it-yourself article, what would it be about?
Drawing a blank on this one. Making cream puffs?

Join the Feast!

Labels:



12.29.2006
Feast #124
APPETIZER
How do you usually celebrate on New Year's Eve?
Chris & I have started a tradition over the past few years. We stay home, watch movies, play games and eat & drink until we're a bit sick. So it's remarkably like a normal weekend, except that we can usually see fireworks from our front yard.

SOUP
Name one thing unexpected that happened to you in 2006.
We didn't expect to do any traveling, but ended up going to Toronto, Niagara Falls, Detroit, Cleveland &, of course, Pittsburgh. (You know, all the Hot Spots.) Which segues nicely into . . .

SALAD
Where was your favorite place that you visited in 2006?
Toronto, definitely. LOVED it!

MAIN COURSE
What resolution is your top priority for 2007?
No resolutions yet. I should resolve to worry less, but that may be futile. I should also resolve to lose 10 lbs., but since I'm already planning on eating my weight in cheese
& chocolate on New Year's Eve, that's probably futile as well. I'll have to give this one
some more thought.

DESSERT
Using just three words, describe 2006.
Stressful, frustrating, eventful.
I'm looking forward to 2007!

Join the Feast!

Labels:



12.28.2006
You May Call Me "The Duchess"
I've never really liked my given name, & now I know why. Clearly I should have been named:
Her Excellency
The Duchess Shawn the Expensive
of Withering Glance

Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Now if I could just get my husband to address me by this name . . .

Labels: ,



12.27.2006
Welcome to Meme-ville

So anyone want to hear a little bit more about real estate? No? Well, that's good because, believe me, between work & our house, I would be delighted to never have to think about real estate ever again. Unfortunately, between work & our house (yeah, okay, mostly our house), that's virtually all I can think about these days. Worse, that only leaves me with the ability to entertain (using that term loosely) you by either continuing to bitch about real estate ad nauseam or concentrating solely on memes, which require only a limited amount of brain power.

Aaaaaaand memes it is!

This one is kind of like t
he
I Never game that we played in college, minus the hangover. To play, copy & paste onto your blog & bold the ones that are true. Have you ever . . .

  • smoked a cigarette - I hate the smell of smoke, but believe it or not, this one is true. I did a lot of things in college that don't make much sense now; smoking half of a cigarette is the least of it!
  • crashed a friend's car
  • stolen a car
  • been in love
  • been dumped - I wish. There's a quote I like from The War of the Roses (LOVE that movie!): "There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?" I've always been stuck with the ones who won't go.
  • shoplifted - I was quite the klepto as a small child, so it's entirely possible.
  • been fired
  • been in a fist fight - Please, I am such a cupcake. Although there was the time that some girl clawed my face for allegedly stealing her boyfriend. She got thrown out, I went back to my Alabama Slammer, the boyfriend in question (Hi, Mike!) got dumped the next day. Not much of a fight, really.
  • snuck out of your parent's house - Sorry, Mom!
  • had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - Every boy I fell in love with in junior high.
  • been arrested - Not technically arrested. Let's call it "officially reprimanded".
  • gone on a blind date
  • lied to a friend - Probably, but not recently.
  • skipped school
  • seen someone die
  • had a crush on one of your internet friends
  • been to Canada
  • been to Mexico
  • been on a plane
  • purposely set a part of yourself on fire - Excuse me? Do people do that?
  • eaten sushi - I'm gagging a little bit just thinking about it. I have a thing about texture.
  • been jet-skiing - Absolutely not. Water is bad.
  • met someone in person from the internet
  • been moshing at a concert
  • taken pain killers
  • loved and missed someone
  • made a snow angel
  • had a tea party
  • flown a kite - My Uncle Mickey is a kite-flying genius!
  • built a sand castle
  • gone puddle jumping - Not as an adult, anyway.
  • played dress up
  • jumped in a pile of leaves
  • gone sledding
  • cheated while playing a game - I'm too competitive. It's not winning if you cheat.
  • been lonely
  • fallen asleep at work or school - I can barely fall asleep at home, in bed, with all the lights out.
  • used a fake ID - Just once. Then I realized that you don't need ID if you're a young, semi-attractive girl.
  • watched a sun set
  • felt an earthquake
  • touched a snake - Also known as the TKE fraternity house mascot, Apollo!
  • slept beneath the stars - That sounds suspiciously like some form of camping.
  • been robbed
  • been misunderstood - Oh, God, constantly.
  • petted a reindeer/goat - My Uncle Bob had a farm, goats included. They were mean, although not as mean as the chickens.
  • won a contest - Perhaps you have not noticed that I do not have what anyone would consider an abundance of good luck?
  • run a red light/stop sign - What, those aren't optional after midnight?
  • been suspended from school
  • been in a car accident - Three times that I can remember, thankfully none of them serious.
  • eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night - Hasn't everyone?
  • had deja vu
  • danced in the moonlight
  • liked the way you looked at least at one point in time
  • witnessed a crime - Only fashion crimes, but I've witnessed lots of those. And, to be honest, I've been the victim too. I was born in the 70's, after all. I've had the Dorothy Hamill 'do & 80's mall hair, worn plaid bell bottoms and rubber bracelets (not together, thank God for small favors). We should all just be thankful that I didn't have a mullet at any time.
  • been obsessed with Post-It notes - With . . . what? Is that seriously a common obsession?
  • squished barefoot through the mud - Ew. Do you not know me at all?
  • been lost - I actually have a pretty good sense of direction, but a few years ago, Chris & I got lost every time we tried to leave the tri-county area. I think we were too busy talking to pay attention to the road signs.
  • been on the opposite side of the country - California, once as a baby & then again in high school.
  • swam in the ocean - Water = bad, remember? I love the beach though.
  • cried yourself to sleep
  • played cops and robbers
  • recently colored with crayons - several times over the holidays, actually. Did you know that Crayola now makes a shade of orange called macaroni & cheese that is exactly the color of Kraft mac & cheese?
  • sung karaoke - No, & "you're welcome" to everyone who never had to hear me sing a drunken, off-key rendition of Margaritaville.
  • paid for a meal with only coins
  • done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Oh, yeah. I break my own rules all the time.
  • made prank phone calls - What do pre-teens do with their free time now that there's caller ID?
  • laughed until some kinda beverage came out of your nose
  • caught a snow flake on your tongue - Not really sure that would be something that would stand out in my memory.
  • written a letter to Santa Claus
  • been kissed under the mistletoe by your boy/girlfriend
  • watched the sun rise with someone you care about - That would probably require getting up early, right?
  • blown bubbles
  • made a bonfire on the beach
  • laughed so hard you pee your pants
  • cheated on a test
  • been kissed by someone you didn't like - And yet for some strange reason married.
  • gone skinny dipping in a pool - Haven't I mentioned how much I hate water?

Your turn! (Anthony & Mary, this means you!)

Edited to add: I tagged Melissa too; she never fails to amuse me & her life is considerably more interesting than mine. (Which isn't any great feat, but still.) While you're there, make sure to check out this post, which makes me want to move to Wisconsin & beg Missy to become my BFF so I can hang out on a bar stool next to her. In a non-stalkerish sort of way.

Labels:



footer