March Madness

That whole Mercury retrograde thing is over and yet my life is still a bizarre, twisted little mess. Here are just a few of the things that have happened to me this week:

• Spent FIVE HOURS of my life with the Dish Network (oh yeah, I'm naming names) installation tech. That's after he showed up THREE hours after his latest scheduled arrival time. Did I mention that the dish itself was already in place, as was all of the wiring into the house? He just had to drill a few holes (which he did, one in the middle of my bedroom wall) & format the receivers (which he did not, at least not correctly, which led to not one but two phone calls to tech support and customer service, neither one of which was the least helpful but did serve to waste another hour of my time).
• Spent innumerable hours on the phone with Verizon. Yeah, I'm naming names there too, but only because I've had excellent customer service from them. True, my landline still isn't functioning correctly, and no one seems to know why, but at least they show up on time and at least appear to be making an effort to rectify the situation. My expectations are very, very low.
• Woke up on Saturday morning to discover that the discarded moving boxes on our front porch had been rearranged. Nothing appeared to have been taken (if only), just . . . stacked & reorganized much more neatly. Either I am so compulsively tidy that I did this in my sleep, or one of our neighbors is absurdly obsessive-compulsive. And if that's the case, I so want to make friends with him / her.
• Fell out of love with IKEA. I am now the proud owner of, among other things, two stainless steel towel bars that will safely hold the weight of a powder puff. A small one. Maybe. However, I am considering renting out my husband to IKEA-devotees. The man has a gift for putting together IKEA merchandise in 15 minutes or less. And he only spews obscenities for the first 10 minutes or so.
• Went to Benihana, where our hibachi chef's name was (I swear to God) Bob. The whitest man in the whole place. Maybe in the whole state. It was rather like watching Bob Dole grill burgers. Not what you might call entertaining. Is it reverse racism to ask for an Asian chef?
• Had a door fall on my foot.
• Cut my leg on the edge of an unframed mirror.
• Smacked my head on the stone mantle above the fireplace.
• And then, the coup de grâce. Last night, I got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom & apparently passed out or fell back asleep or just exhibited my usual lack of grace & started to fall as I was walking in the room. Luckily I caught myself. With my tooth. On the marble ledge by the bathtub. Ow. So now I have an emergency appointment with my brand-new, chosen-from-the-internet-with-no-prior-recommendation-whatsoever-but-whose-office-is-open-at-eight-in-the-morning dentist.

This is getting ridiculous. And to top it all off, the boxes seem to be multiplying whenever I leave the room. The house is no where near completely unpacked & / or organized. Unless you count the linen closet, which is IMMACULATE. Of course, I do have the rest of the day. You know, except for when I have to go to the dentist. And if I don't lose a finger in a freak picture-hanging accident or something.