Thoughts

• When are we going to close when are we going to close when are we going to close . . .


• We SHOULD HAVE closed last week, except for the Twin Asshats, also known as Jack "oops, I forgot all about you & did absolutely nothing with this file for the past month" Loan Officer & Jill (also not her real name), the Incompetent Appraiser.


• If Jill does not sign off on the (spurious) conditions she placed on the loan & which resulted in Chris & I spending last Saturday outside in the cold & snow, replacing the (perfectly good) ceiling on our patio (lest an errant child climb up there & ingest paint chips that have a .0001% chance of being toxic anyway), I will kill her myself.


• Holy run-on sentence, Batman. And when did I become addicted to parentheses?


• We will be spending every single cent we have in savings within the next few weeks, and will still need to sell a kidney, or one of my co-workers, on eBay to get this mess wrapped up.


• Wouldn't it be nice if I could sell one of my co-workers on eBay? Talk about a win-win.


• Even though we will have no money & I will not be able to buy anything pretty, or sparkly, or really anything at all (not even shoes!) for quite a long time, I will be happy to hand over every single cent we have just to be done with this already. Perhaps I have mentioned this once or twice or 500 times already.


• Probably I shouldn't buy anymore shoes any way.


• Four dozen pairs of shoes doesn't seem like a lot until you have to move them.


• It's amazing what you decide you can live without when you are faced with the prospect of moving it.


• Why did I buy a donut maker? Did I forget about the sheer heaven known as Krispy Kreme, the gloriousness of which I could never hope to duplicate? More importantly, how am I going to convince someone in my family to take the donut maker? Because I know that I won't be able to just throw it away (it's practically brand-new!) & yet it seems rather silly to move it (not like I'm going to use it in the new place either).


• Maybe I can wrap it up & regift it for someone's birthday. Then they have to take it. Hey, Anthony, act surprised when you unwrap your new donut maker!


• Speaking of surprises . . . our accountant (AKA my boss' wife, who does not in any way, shape or form have any kind of formal training in this area, or even the slightest bit of aptitude for this type of work but also doesn't charge by the hour the way the real accountant does) screwed up the amount of taxes withheld last year, which means that not only will I not be getting that little bit of extra money from the IRS (which, you may have guessed, we are in desperate need of right about now), but will actually OWE money. Perfect.


• I think I need a Mental Health Day. (No comments please re: how it is quite obviously too late for that.)


• I can't wait 'til I don't have to put up with my boss' inappropriate comments any more. Case in point: on Friday, he referred to the snowy conditions as "baby-making weather" & continued that there would be a lot of "pokin' going on" that night. No, I am not joking. Trust me when I tell you that my sense of humor is much more advanced than that. Please note that this is nowhere near the most inappropriate thing he has said to me. I believe that honor would go to the time he told me that he didn't like my tone (the phrase "little missy" implied but not actually spoken) & that (here's the good part, are you ready?) I needed to be spanked. !!!!!!!! Believe me, "inappropriate" doesn't even begin to cover it.


• Let's not think about it anymore & instead look at the pretty snow . . .