Utterly Brilliant Thoughts: Showtime
I came home from work on Monday & completely passed out for an hour. When I woke up, I turned on the television & discovered that we were the lucky recipients of a Showtime FREE PREVIEW WEEKEND!! Obviously, I was starting to get sick & must have been a bit delirious because normally, this would not be exciting news. In fact, normally, Showtime's commercials alone irritate the hell out of me because, seriously, blockbusters? Excuse me, powers-that-be at Showtime, the last time I checked, Chopping Mall & Saw II were not blockbusters in any sense of the word and the few movies in rotation that could reasonably be considered blockbusters (As Good As It Gets, Single White Female) were not even released in this decade.

ANYway, like I was saying, I was obviously getting sick because I was inordinately pleased about this FREE PREVIEW WEEKEND!! & inordinately upset about the fact that we had missed the first 3.5 days. Want further proof that I wasn't thinking clearly? I started watching Alfie. You might think that there are worse ways to spend an evening than gazing at Jude Law, but you'd be wrong. (At least, in this particular movie. I quite liked him in Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil.) I kept thinking that it would get better. It didn't. But I was optimistic (or delirious, take your pick), so we watched the whole damn thing. (Oh, yeah, I made Chris watch too. It wasn't that difficult since he'll watch anything, & I do mean anything. I have four words for you: Classic Bowling on ESPN. Didn't you always wonder who watched that stuff? Wonder no more.)

You would think that we would have learned our lesson after that & perhaps turned to something a bit more stimulating like WE or Cartoon Network or even (gasp!) turned off the television, but again, you would be wrong. Because as soon as Alfie was over, the remake of The Amityville Horror came on, and we watched that too. (Showtime also seems to have cornered the market on remakes.) I even remarked to Chris as it was starting that there was absolutely no way it could be good since Ryan Reynolds was the lead actor. And yet we watched it anyway. And it, too, was spectacularly bad. What a surprise!

Now you must be thinking, well, it can't get any worse than that. You're probably also thinking that we would be smart enough to turn off the TV, go to bed & vow to never, ever watch Showtime again . And, again, you. are. so. wrong. So wrong! Because guess what came on next? Dark Water. The Japanese original, with subtitles. And not only did we watch this cinematic monstrosity, we stayed up until after midnight to see the end.

I hope I feel better soon because I think there's another FREE PREVIEW WEEKEND!! coming up & I don't think I can handle this much excitement in one week.



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