Found

In my post-offer haze, I almost forgot to tell you my really exciting news, which totally beats out we-got-an-offer-on-our-house-today-well-sort-of-yeah-okay-not-really. Are you ready?

Are you sure? You might want to prepare yourself 'cause this is exciting stuff. Okay, here it goes . . .

I found my sunglasses!

Aren't you excited? Me too! In fact, I was so excited, I may have actually said the words "Woo hoo!" out loud. I want to go on record that I still believe that the cats are behind this. Because I found my glasses in the top drawer of the linen cabinet this morning. Which, first of all, is not exactly a normal place for one to keep one's sunglasses. And second, I am in & out of this drawer several times a week. And yet, today, suddenly, there they were! Nestled in between the hairdryer (which I just used last night, by the way) and the Aveda travel kit, right next to the extra tube of toothpaste that I just put in there last weekend. So, it had to be the cats, right? I'm not sure how they got around the whole lack-of-opposable-thumbs thing, but clearly they did. Because the only other option is that I have completely & totally lost what was left of my mind. And obviously that can't be it.

What Day Is It?

The last week has sort of been a blur. This cold / flu / bronchial thing I've had is particularly noxious & persistent. Several times, I've thought that it was clearing up, only to have it return with a vengeance in a new, mutated form the next day. I will assume that you can live without hearing tales of coughing, snot & sleeplessness & just say that I think that there finally may be light at the end of the tunnel because for 2 nights in a row, I've actually been able to sleep lying down. Woo hoo!

Normally, I would try to work from home instead of contaminating my co-workers. (Which is how I got sick in the first place, thanks, Caroline!) However, I had to handle my boss' clients & paperwork as well as my own since his mom was still in the hospital & he was rarely available. Sadly, she died last Wednesday. She was 82, had open heart surgery at the beginning of September & had been in the hospital almost continually for the past two months, so you might think that her death was not unexpected. But 2 months ago, this woman was healthier & more active than I am (which may not be saying all that much, but you get the point). She died because she contracted malaria through a blood transfusion during the heart surgery. Malaria. Malaria not being all that common in this country, she went undiagnosed for weeks while the parasites attacked her organs. As you can imagine, the hospital & local Red Cross have been busy trying to keep this all under wraps & avoid widespread panic over the possibility of a tainted blood supply. The local newspapers & television stations have been covering the story, but because of the "spin" (which sounds so much better than "outright lies") provided by the doctors & other "authorities", the story that's being disseminated is almost completely untrue. Which makes me wonder about the veracity of every other news story being reported.

In happier news, apparently Bijou was just suffering from kitty menopause, or maybe seasonal affective disorder, or maybe it was all just a ploy to get me to feed her deli turkey by hand. In any case, she is finally back to normal. Which means she's carrying Smacky (her velvet mouse) around in her mouth, pretending Lemieux doesn't exist & taking up way too much room in the bed. Strange how I don't mind so much these days.

At Least the Steelers Won

This week is not starting well. I was sick all weekend & am just now starting to feel a bit better. To give you an idea of how sick I was - I stayed at home on Saturday afternoon rather than go shopping as I had planned. And then, when I managed to actually get off the couch & haul myself to the grocery store, I decided not to get Krispy Kremes. That's right, I TURNED DOWN both shopping and doughnuts. It doesn't get more dire than that. So instead of buying shoes & eating Krispy Kremes, I spent most of the weekend coughing, blowing my nose & cleaning the house for a showing yesterday. (Because isn't cleaning exactly what you want to do when you feel like death on toast?) Oh, and trying to sleep. Between the wracking cough & that whole pesky trying-to-breathe thing, sleep has been even more elusive than usual.

As if all of that weren't bad enough, I think Bijou might be dying. I keep saying that to try to prepare myself for what I'm afraid might be imminent, but I know there's really no way to do that. I really hope that I'm wrong, that she's just going through some kind of phase ("kitty menopause", as Chris suggested). But over the past few days, I've noticed a change in her that mirrors how my first cat behaved right before she died. She just seems to be fading away right in front of us. Since she was adopted from a shelter, I don't know her exact age, but it's been estimated between 12 & 16. I guess that's a pretty good age for a cat, but I was sort of hoping she'd live a little longer. Like forever.

A Few of My Favorite Things

BOOKS

Thanks to Miss Zoot (who also happens to be the designer of this shiny new blog template) for alerting me that September 23-30 is Banned Books Week. Did you even know there was such a thing? Me neither. And I was truly astonished - wait, what's stronger than astonished? alarmed? stunned? appalled? - when I read the list of the 100 Most Challenged Books. I've read nearly half of the books on this list, liked some, hated some, loved many. Regardless of my feeling on any of these books, it isn't my place to decide which books are suitable for public consumption. What's that quote? "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." Can you imagine missing out on the Harry Potter series or To Kill a Mockingbird just because someone thought that they promoted the occult or racism? If you don't want your kid reading certain books, that is certainly your prerogative. But don't tell me what my (future) kid can read or try to restrict access to the rest of us. As far as I'm concerned, anything that will get a kid to read is a good thing, even if it's the Captain Underpants or Goosebumps series. Unless, of course, you would rather let your child play video games, surf the 'web or watch television. No foul language, violence, racism, misogynism, sexuality or "mature content" there.

CATS

Last Friday, Chris took Cat to Animal Rescue League in Pittsburgh. Here she is in the car. She did eventually emerge from her hiding place & spent the rest of the ride curled up on his lap. He's obviously much stronger than I am, because there is no way I could have handed her over after that. Cat is now ready to be adopted & can be seen here. They named her Dahlia, which was on my short list of names for her. Yeah, I know, don't name the kitty. Thank God ARL took her, because I was about one kitty headbutt away from keeping her. Since Lemieux recently developed an aversion to other felines, complete with hissing, growling & throwing himself at the door, I can only imagine how much fun that would have been. Truthfully, I am completely misrepresenting it when I call it "hissing". We refer to it as snorking. There's really no way to describe it. If I ever get it on video, I will absolutely share it with all of you. It is quite the experience.

STEELERS

What in the name of all that is holy was that last night? What a train wreck. I refuse to dwell on it, but I will mention that I said back in August that 1st round draft pick Santonio Holmes was a mistake & I'm sorry to say I haven't seen anything yet to make me change my opinion. Keeping my fingers crossed for Sunday against the Bengals . . .

Blah

Do you think the sun is ever going to come back out? If I am this lethargic & moody after a few rainy, overcast days, I can only imagine how much fun I'm going to be by January. Amongst other things, I am hating:

• my co-workers. I have colleagues that are unable to find a file, decipher a contract, download photos or access their voice mail without assistance. The worst part is that they truly have no desire to be self-sufficient. Apparently, it is much more efficient to stand around & ineffectually whine about it until someone (namely, me) breaks down & does it for you. I am getting MUCH better at ignoring the whining. Good practice for future parenting, I think.
• my job. Well, duh.
• real estate. This morning, I spoke to the Realtor that showed our house at the beginning of the month. He literally spent 10 minutes telling me how "beautiful" & "immaculate" the house is & how "amazed" he is that it hasn't sold yet. Welcome to my world, Troy. Unfortunately, his buyers have to sell their home in Maryland & find jobs here before they would be willing to make an offer. (I don't know why they are looking now when neither of those goals has been accomplished, but then there are lots of things I don't understand.)
• being tired. I feel like I can't even focus, I am so exhausted. I can't wait to go home, collapse on the bed & sleeeeeeep.
• laundry. The same basket of laundry has been sitting in my bathroom for three days. I know, all of the moms out there are laughing hysterically right now. One basket? Just three days? When there are only two people in your household, & one of them is me (read: neurotic), that's a lot. The thought of hauling it downstairs, washing it, drying it, folding it & putting it away . . . see #4.
• dinner. Do other people find it this difficult to decide what to cook every day? It was much easier when I was single & could happily eat a fudgsicle or Cheerios for dinner. Chris is funny about wanting, you know, food in his food.
• NBC. The bastards canceled West Wing last year & I still haven't gotten over it.
• The Shrub. If he wasn't the President, I would find his cluelessness & complete denial of reality tremendously amusing. Unfortunately, he is the President. For another 859 days.
• the holidays. Preemptively. Already looking forward to Christmas, which Chris & I will spend sleep-deprived, punch-drunk & mostly in the car.
• & my hair. Humidity is not my friend.

It appears that my happy-go-lucky attitude has not deterred a new cat from trying to adopt us. Cat showed up on Sunday evening & has not left our back patio since. Oh, did I mention that we're feeding it? And that I put a fuzzy blanket on the chaise so it would be more comfy? Yeah, that might have something to do with it. Fortunately, Chris found a no-kill shelter near his office that will accept her so I can stop feeling inordinately guilty about someone else's cat. (By the way, Cat seems perfectly happy with the way things are. We supply her with food, water, a snuggly bed, twice-a-day attention & the freedom to come & go as she pleases. Bijou & Lemieux probably dream of the same.)

In any case, The Weather Channel is predicting sunshine this weekend, Oprah's new season starts & the Steelers play on Monday & the new Rolling Stone has Justin Timberlake on the cover - things are looking up!

So Sad

To say that the cats don't travel well is a gross understatement.

Lemieux subscribes to the ostrich approach, desperate to hide his head and pretend it isn't happening. Bijou yowls like she's in agony the entire time. Literally. The. Entire. Time. Their behavior is distracting at best; allowing them to roam free is simply not an option. And one of them is just a smidge larger that he was 5 years ago & there is no way I could wedge his tubby kitty butt in his old carrier. So, I have been looking for a new, larger carrier to use during our eventual move. My theory is that they will feel more secure (less psycho) if they're in one carrier together. This theory is not in any way, shape or form based on fact. Bijou tolerates Lemieux at the best of times. Being enclosed in a carrier with him for any amount of time is probably her idea of Hell.

Regardless, this weekend, I found their new digs. It is glorious. Five stars on Amazon! And on sale! You know how much I love a sale. There is one small flaw. They won't go in it. I was hoping to get them used to it so that when the time comes, being enclosed in it won't be quite so traumatic. (For any of us.) Bijou rolled around in it for a few seconds, lured by catnip, but scooted right back out. Even treats couldn't entice Lemieux. I know, I spent Saturday afternoon trying to coax him inside.

Lest you think that this was the low point of my weekend, let me assure you: I am much more pathetic than that. I also had the propane tank for the grill refilled, got an oil change, watched Chris clean our gutters and then organized my CDs & DVDs. Until two in the morning. In case you're wondering, this involved some alphabetizing and categorizing. I turned down both a movie & a baseball game as possible alternatives to these exciting plans. So. Yeah, I'm a dork. At least I managed to avoid yard work.

Bedtime

This is EXACTLY what it looks like at my house at bedtime. Except Lemieux takes up more space @ the bottom. A lot more. The comic is courtesy of SpaceDog Studios. Love her work!

Tummy Trouble

This is our fat cat, Lemieux. He's, well, not normal, but we love him. Yesterday, Lemieux apparently climbed up onto the back of one of our living room chairs & managed to knock a vase filled with dried palm fronds from the mantle onto the floor, whereupon he evidently considered it his own personal smorgasbord. Perhaps this is a sign he needs more fiber in his diet. In any case, since then, he's been vomiting, lethargic & not eating. Yes, that's right, I said NOT EATING. For a 22+ lb. cat, that's serious business. Lemieux is, obviously, a gourmand whose definition of "food" is rather fluid. Kitty treats, French fries, cereal, ribbon, lint, bugs . . . it's all yummy to him. This time, though, there have been repercussions to his gluttony.

I do not consider myself a Crazy Cat Person. I do not take my cats with me wherever I go, I do not dress them up in little outfits, I do not take them to have their photo taken with Santa Claus & I do not buy my mom needlepoint pillows that say "My Grandchild Is a Cat". (You're welcome.) But that doesn't mean that our cats aren't part of the family. And when someone in your family is sick, you worry.

I worry like Lemieux eats - with reckless abandon. While logically I know that he ate something he shouldn't & now has a tummy ache, that doesn't keep my twisted little brain from thinking, "what if those palm fronds had some kind of chemical on them & he's been poisoned?" or "what if they get wrapped around his intestinal tract & he dies?". In my mind, it is always The Worst Case Scenario. God, I hope I can get some kind of Xanax drip prescribed before we have kids.