Unbelievable

This . . . is a joke, right? I mean, it cannot possibly be serious. Surely he cannot be suggesting that if you give your little boy soy formula, he will grow up to be a homosexual with a small penis.

Stuff like this makes my head hurt.

Blue

Hallelujah!

In Honor of the Election . . .

Why I Don't Watch TV

• Am I the only one who thinks that Senator Mike DeWine a.) kind of looks like a monkey & b.) sounds an awful lot like his good buddy W? For those of you non-Ohioans, check out the commercial here. Lord, but I hate political commercials.
• Last week, I was in tears during the season premiere of ER. Chris had to get me a tissue & everything. I'm generally not a crier, but Abby & Luka's baby was born early & then she had to have an emergency hysterectomy, & Jerry was shot & had to have surgery, & Sam's husband kidnapped her (although I totally knew she would end up killing him, thank God, does that mean she'll leave the show now because I'm kind of getting sick of her & her bratty kid) & I'm starting to think maybe I'm getting a little too emotionally involved here.
• Everything on E! / all reality shows. Did you know that there's a series that features Playboy Playmates as they frolick around the world? I just saw the commercial, but let's just say it did not make me proud to be a woman. Is it possible that these girls are acting? Surely no one could honestly be that stupid, right? Right? And apparently the Carter family (including both Aaron & Nick Carter) has a new reality show. The Lohan family can't be far behind. What a train wreck.

Holy Cow

Continuing the shoving-my-beliefs-down-your-throat theme today, I received an email from a prospective client whose username is catholicmomtobe. Turns out, catholicmomtobe is an acquaintance who rushed my sorority back in the day. I was a bit surprised at the username because, well, she was not what you might call discriminating back then. (I won't tell you what we did call her, but it rhymed with cranky doe. Yeah, we weren't nice. Thank goodness I'm not like that now.) Anyway, she recognized my name when I contacted her & we exchanged small talk. Literally five minutes into the conversation, she asked me if I attended the Catholic church near my home. I told her that I am no longer a practicing Catholic & occasionally attend the Unity Church where Chris & I got married. That began an irascible, five minute long diatribe about how we weren't truly married in the eyes of the Lord, our children will never be able to be baptized within the Church, I was going to go to Hell for turning my back on the Church . . . there was more, but my brain stopped listening after about 30 seconds. After that, I heard Andrea Bocelli singing Ave Maria. Appropriate, no?

Remember that this is a girl that I barely knew over ten years ago, yet she feels completely justified in judging my personal choices & blithely condemning me to eternal damnation. I'm going to Hell for not attending mass, but this girl, who honestly drank, smoked & slept with everything she could get her hands on in college, & apparently has some anger management issues these days, is completely assured of her place in Heaven. The worst part isn't what she said, it's that I couldn't really respond that way I would have liked to because she's a prospective client. I think I said something along the lines of "Well, at least I'll be with people I know" & got off the phone.

Now, I think it's great if you have a strong faith in a higher power, whether that be God, Buddha, Allah, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. And while I have strong opinions on God, same sex marriage, the right to choose & many, many other issues, I can recognize that other people may have differing opinions, & that's okay. I guess I am just from the "religion is a private thing" school of thought and would no sooner ask someone about their religious preferences than I would ask them about their finances or their sex life. It is a personal choice and certainly none of my business. And I cannot imagine demanding that everyone believe what I believe or face everlasting anguish if they have the audacity to believe something that differs in even the slightest way. To me, that's not much different than feeling justified in killing thousands of people in the name of Allah. But maybe that's because I'm a heathen.

Well, That Was Fun

Today started off fairly normally. I woke up to say good-bye to Chris, felt vaguely bad that he has to gaze upon my overwhelming loveliness every morning, fell back asleep, hit snooze twice, watched Stephen Baldwin proclaim that God told him to write a book on Today while I put on my makeup (did God tell you that you have to refer to yourself in the third person too, Stephen?), realized that I was running late, threw on some clothes, scraped my wet hair back into a bun, scooped some cantaloupe into a bowl & made it to work on time. In case you're wondering, my interpretation of "on time" means anything less than 15 minutes late.

About an hour later, my boss came & asked why one of the checks I gave him to deposit on Saturday was dated July 31. For one thing, the person who writes the checks isn't the person that signs the checks, so the checks languish on one desk or another for a few weeks until they get mailed to us. Then I deposit & distribute a batch of checks about every six weeks. These are not payroll checks or company income, but part of an incentive program for the Realtors. They receive 100%. This is also not a new procedure; this has been the standard operating procedure for at least 3 years. He started getting all worked up about it, telling me that these checks have to be deposited & distributed at least every 30 days, blah blah blah. I tried to explain to him why that would be an issue & that the Realtors were quite happy with this arrangement, but I could tell he wasn't listening since he kept talking over me & repeating the same thing over & over. So I just stopped & did what I normally do with him: tell him whatever he wants to hear. This is when, for no particular reason that I could tell, he started to shout at me. He does this periodically when he is in a mood & wants to fight with someone. I don't see any point in fighting with him since a.) he's my boss & b.) he's not listening anyway, so normally, I would just walk away. This is when today stopped being a normal day.

I don't know if it's because I wasn't feeling well last night, or if the insomnia has finally caught up to me, or if I have just had enough, but whatever the reason, I finally reached my breaking point. I snapped and told him that he was not to raise his voice to me, I refuse to put up with this behavior & if he is going to continue to behave like this, I am going to leave & he can deal with the checks and everything else on his own. There was more of this nature, then I ended with "Now I am done discussing this. That's it." Then I turned away from him & continued updating the website. After a few minutes, he quietly walked away.

I'm sure there is a lesson in here somewhere, but I'm not quite sure what it is.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

Thanks to Mary for sending me this!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster has given us

8 COMMANDMENTS

(there were 10, but 2, um, went missing)

ONE
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides,This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.

TWO
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And / Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.

THREE
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey - Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal and Fuchsia.

FOUR
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go Fuck Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They CanTurn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.

FIVE
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist,Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The Bastard.

SIX
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion Dollar Churches / Temples / Mosques / Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The MoneyCould Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick): Ending Poverty, Curing Diseases, Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, Or Lowering The Cost Of Cable. I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.

SEVEN
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk ToYou. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?

EIGHT
I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot of Leather / Lubricant / Las Vegas. If the Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did It I Would Have Added Spikes Or Something.