Utterly Brilliant Thoughts: O Canada
O Canada

Want to know what Chris & I did on our summer vacation??? Oh, come on, you know you do. We / I

  • passed miles & miles of vineyards, & not much else, from Pennsylvania through Ontario.
  • bought liquor & champagne at the duty free shop.
  • got yelled at by Canadian Customs for being on my cell phone.
  • received a complimentary upgrade to the Sheraton Centre Toronto Club Level after telling the concierge our pathetic honeymoon story.
  • had serious doubts that our Indian cab driver’s name was “Morris Applebaum”, as it read on his license.
  • ate what are certainly the World’s Best Hot Dogs from various carts around the city.
  • celebrated our 1st Canada Day with several thousand enthusiastic Blue Jays fans at the Sky Dome.
  • refused to go up 1,465 feet in CN Tower, not because I have a fear of heights but because I have a fear of elevators on bungy cords. Seriously, the elevator should not bounce.
  • admired Chris' photos from 1,465 feet up because he is not a great big baby with no faith in Canadian engineering.
  • was able to give someone directions - in French! And I probably only got them a little bit lost.
  • touched the Stanley Cup & made a wish for it to come back to Pittsburgh.
  • soaked up the beachy goodness at Kew Beach.
  • bought a copper feather from an American Indian at Woodbine Beach.
  • had astonishingly bad service & what can only be described as "chicken briquets" at Scratch Danial off the boardwalk.
  • on the streetcar, wondered why someone didn't explain to the 20-something tartlet behind us that one ought not wear a regular bra with a backless shirt.
  • watched Asian tourists take photos of themselves in Chinatown.
  • saw a whole roasted goose hanging from its neck in a Chinatown window, next to a whole squid, a roasted pig's head & some unrecognizable squiggly things.
  • drove around Parliament (Big Ben! Parliament!), trying to find a way in.
  • saw a man playing the bagpipes outside Prada.
  • went to Tiffany, where I exercised the utmost in self control & didn't max out my credit cards.
  • visited Casa Loma, a turn of the century castle just outside downtown Toronto.
  • spilled condiments on virtually every garment I brought with me (see: The World's Best Hot Dogs, above.).
  • shared the hotel with way too many Tolkien fans wearing chain mail, Renaissance dress & hobbit costumes due to the Gathering of the Fellowship Convention.
  • forgot that it would be quite breezy on the lake & shivered through dinner on the patio at Il Fornello.
  • bought Cuban cigars.
  • wondered what the big deal is with Tim Horton's.
  • ate my weight in pineapple, brie, croissants & the Best Turkey Ever for breakfast every day at the Club Lounge on 43rd.
  • collected a dozen ginormous beach rocks for no discernible purpose.
  • found out I am completely unable to skip rocks across water.
  • searched for Altoids, which apparently are not sold in Canada.
  • walked and walked and walked, & lost not an ounce of weight (see: brie & croissants, above).
  • discovered “ice wine” & had a wine tasting at Magnotta Winery.
  • drank pink (!) water from the McDonald’s in Beamsville, Ontario with no apparent ill-effects afterwards.
  • ooohed & aaahed with all of the other tourists at Niagara Falls.
  • spent a ridiculous amount of time at US Customs with a woman who thought she was Dirty Harry.
  • discovered that there isn't anywhere to eat between Buffalo, New York & Erie, Pennsylvania, no matter how hungry you are.
  • received a call that a tornado had been spotted on Rt. 80 in Ohio - while we were heading down Rt. 80.
  • realized that far from missing us while we were gone, our cats did not seem to realize or care that we'd been away.

Next up is a mini-trip to Pittsburgh for a family wedding, then to Cleveland to continue Chris' tour of MLB ballparks. I know you're jealous. Breathtaking details will follow!



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