Want to know what Chris & I did on our summer vacation??? Oh, come on, you know you do. We / I
- passed miles & miles of vineyards, & not much else, from Pennsylvania through Ontario.
- bought liquor & champagne at the duty free shop.
- got yelled at by Canadian Customs for being on my cell phone.
- received a complimentary upgrade to the Sheraton Centre Toronto Club Level after telling the concierge our pathetic honeymoon story.
- had serious doubts that our Indian cab driver’s name was “Morris Applebaum”, as it read on his license.
- ate what are certainly the World’s Best Hot Dogs from various carts around the city.
- refused to go up 1,465 feet in CN Tower, not because I have a fear of heights but because I have a fear of elevators on bungy cords. Seriously, the elevator should not bounce.
- admired Chris' photos from 1,465 feet up because he is not a great big baby with no faith in Canadian engineering.
- was able to give someone directions - in French! And I probably only got them a little bit lost.
- bought a copper feather from an American Indian at Woodbine Beach.
- had astonishingly bad service & what can only be described as "chicken briquets" at Scratch Danial off the boardwalk.
- on the streetcar, wondered why someone didn't explain to the 20-something tartlet behind us that one ought not wear a regular bra with a backless shirt.
- drove around Parliament (Big Ben! Parliament!), trying to find a way in.
- saw a man playing the bagpipes outside Prada.
- spilled condiments on virtually every garment I brought with me (see: The World's Best Hot Dogs, above.).
- shared the hotel with way too many Tolkien fans wearing chain mail, Renaissance dress & hobbit costumes due to the Gathering of the Fellowship Convention.
- bought Cuban cigars.
- wondered what the big deal is with Tim Horton's.
- ate my weight in pineapple, brie, croissants & the Best Turkey Ever for breakfast every day at the Club Lounge on 43rd.
- collected a dozen ginormous beach rocks for no discernible purpose.
- found out I am completely unable to skip rocks across water.
- searched for Altoids, which apparently are not sold in Canada.
- walked and walked and walked, & lost not an ounce of weight (see: brie & croissants, above).
- discovered “ice wine” & had a wine tasting at Magnotta Winery.
- ooohed & aaahed with all of the other tourists at Niagara Falls.
- spent a ridiculous amount of time at US Customs with a woman who thought she was Dirty Harry.
- discovered that there isn't anywhere to eat between Buffalo, New York & Erie, Pennsylvania, no matter how hungry you are.
Next up is a mini-trip to Pittsburgh for a family wedding, then to Cleveland to continue Chris' tour of MLB ballparks. I know you're jealous. Breathtaking details will follow!